Australian explorer and beer connoisseur, Johnno Trevorson, recently returned from trekking in Nepal and does not have a single good word to say about the experience.
“Mate, it sucked,” burped Johnno, in between a tug on his durry and scratching his privates. “I went over there for the culture and couldn’t find any. I want me money back!”
When pressed for further information on culture rich Nepal, Johnno was adamant he was drawn in by false advertising. “Didn’t see one Bigfoot, one Yeti, or one Abominable Snowman! Worse, there wasn’t a single trace of the exotic history of Tripitaka or Monkey. This is bullshit!”
It is the last point that really sticks in Johnno’s craw. “I went there specifically to see relics like Monkey’s cloud, his staff – maybe even get some of his chest hairs, ya know? And I didn’t get squat.”
Despite the breathtaking scenery, the exquisite cuisine, and the many Buddhist temples and shrines, Johnno remains bitterly disappointed in his trip, still rambling about no “Sandy or horse” either. His biggest disappointment though, focuses on Pigsy. “No Pigsy either. He was my idol grown up in Geelong, taught me everything I know. Granted I later realised he was basically a sex pest who forced himself on every woman he came across, but he was still funny, yeah.”
Regardless of this outcome of his visit to Nepal, Johnno refuses to let it taint his thirst for travel, having already booked tickets to go to Boydtown, New Zealand. When asked why that location, Johnno said, “It’s were Beaver Licker is,” moving his tongue up and down excitedly. We didn’t have the heart to tell him it’s actually spelt, ‘Beaver Liquor’ and is a bottle shop in Boydtown.
Looks like Johnno’s in for yet another disappointing trip.