30th Annual Clean Up Australia Day considered a huge success, except in Mt Druitt.

“Despite 30 years of trying, that place is still a shithole,” said the local event coordinator, Trish Flanno.

Across the country on Sunday, Australian’s rolled up their sleeves and pitched in to help clean up their local community – except in Mt Druitt, where coordinators felt their efforts went backwards.

“Yeah, the politest thing I can say about that place is it’s a complete shithole,” said Western Sydney coordinator, Trish Flanno. “Every year we try and clean up The Druitt, and every year we go backwards.”

As strange as it sounds, rubbish cleaning efforts can in fact make things worse in The Druitt. “Every time we send a team out in high-vis vests, it upsets the locals. Half think they’re random breath test units looking to bust them, and the other get mad that they’re taking their recycling money away by removing the empties.”

With half the population doing a ‘u-ie’ to get away from them, and the other half running towards them to knuckle on, it’s no wonder clean up crews aren’t welcome in the area.

“Don’t take it personally,” says Mt Druitt Mayor, Beau Gan, in between drags on his cigarette in his office. “We don’t welcome anyone here, unless they’re resupplying Dan Murphy’s.”

Despite zero success, Clean Up Australia are adamant they will return next year and are already training the Druitt clean up crew on what to expect. “Unlike every other suburb were locals are polite, Druittites don’t watch their ‘p’s and q’s’,” says Trish to a room full of enthusiastic community minded volunteers. “Or their ‘f’s and c’s’ for that matter.”

Never to be outdone, locals have already started preparing for next year as well, kicking over every rubbish bin across town. Or as the locals call it, Sunday under seven footy training.

Published by Brian Rowe

Brian lives in Queensland with his wife and [insert Councilly approved number of] cats and dogs. Has been described as handsome, charming, intelligent... and his mum also said, “He’s a very good boy.”

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