“Hey kid. Everything brown floats down here.”
After being scared out of a nights sleep thanks to the evil face of Momo, parents have a new enemy to contend with – a scary clown who lives in a sewerage pipe.
“His name is sh-IT and he appears on their screens with a brown stained clown costume,” said Cyber Detective, Mike Mousepad. “He tells kids he lives in a brown trout farm, but when they get to the virtual farm, they sure as hell aren’t fish.”
Thinking they’re going to see some friendly aquatic life, children have been traumatised when they realise the trout they’re holding in their hands is actually an oversized grog bog.
“Who comes up with this shit? I mean, literally,” asked concerned parent, Isa Dontsupervisemykidsonline. “Imagine how confusing it is for a child to be patting a brown trout and then see pieces of corn in it and wonder how they got there.”
Like Momo, the internet police have no idea how to stop sh-IT from entering their child’s screens. Concerned parents have suggested they take devices off their kids and make them play outside, but tech experts have warned of worse consequences to their minds should this happen.
“No, kids definitely need at least eight hours screen time. Preferably on freshly purchased PC,” said one B. Gates of Silicon Valley. “Oh. And for their peace of mind, be sure to buy them the latest version of Windows too.” The Drunkensober Chronicles would like to thank this Mr B. Gates for his heartfelt concern.