Never ones to do things by halves, American teenagers are now involved in a vaping ‘epidemic’.

As if American parents don’t have enough to worry about when they send their child off to school each day – between mass shootings and mass numbers of female teachers sleeping with 12-year-old boys – they now have to worry about their kids vaping.

Recent data out of Texas shows that vaping has become so widespread that some schools are changing their uniform policy. “We’re thinking about banning hoodies, because kids hide the e-cigarette in their sleeve and smoke on school grounds,” said a concerned parent. “What will I do if they become addicted? I’ll be embarrassed to be seen with my child in public ever again.”

“If we don’t stop this attention seeking behaviour in their formative years it has a domino effect. There’s a strong link between vaping, to ear stretching, to getting a man bun,” said the President of the local P&C, Diane Luger, 53.

Willing to do almost anything to prevent their kids from becoming pretentious look-at-me douchebags, some parents are even purchasing real cigarettes for them. “Tobacco may be harmful, but at least it looks cool. This way we avoid any all public embarrassment,” said fretful parent, Tom Wayne, 47.

If you’re worried your child might be heading down a path that leads to a man bun, The Drunkensober Chronicles urge parents to make an appointment with your local school Counsellor today.

Published by Brian Rowe

Brian lives in Queensland with his wife and [insert Councilly approved number of] cats and dogs. He has been described as handsome, charming, intelligent... and his mum also said, “He’s a very good boy.”

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