“I cant breathe.”
Tennis legend and, according to herself, worlds greatest mother, Serena Williams, has been forced to retire from her third-round match at the Indian Wells Masters after a frightening health scare that left her short of breath.
A notorious dummy spitter, Williams was playing relatively unknown Garbine Muguruza when the incident occurred. Muguruza won the first set 6-3, when Williams called for the doctor who took her blood pressure.
“Her blood was literally boiling,” said Dr Leeches, who is a well respected ankle strapper. “We couldn’t work out why she had lost the first set and just accepted it like a normal human being, when she would have normally spat the dummy big time!” said Dr Leeches.
Serena had been suffering from a mystery illness all week, as had several of the other notorious dummy spitters in the tournament. “Serena was complaining of breathing difficulties, and it occurred to me that she may have accidentally swallowed her dummy.”
Serena Williams absorbed a $US17,000 fine last year for her astronomical dummy spit during her US Open final loss to Naomi Osaka.
Exploratory surgery will be conducted this week in an attempt to retrieve the swallowed dummy, as losing a set calmly is a true sign of something seriously wrong.