Disney rehires director James Gunn, yet claims they still stand for family values.

“We do value families, particularly mine and their expensive private school fees,” said top Disney executive, Ida Lovemoremoney.

After firing James Gunn in July last year for his inappropriate tweets – which is a polite way to gloss over the pedophiliac nature of his communications – Disney has decided to rehire him in a move which they claim is not about money, but more about promoting family values.

“Just like last year, just like yesterday, and just like today, Disney is all about family values. And no one values their family more than a rich Disney executive who has private school tuition, elite college fees, and numerous trust funds to pay off,” said executive, Ida Lovemoremoney.

Terminating Gunn’s employment after multiple tweets were brought to light suggesting sex with minors, as well as a picture of Gunn hosting a Priest and Alter boy party, Disney has now made peace with Gunn’s past believing his words of contrition.

“We have to believe he is sincere when he says he is sorry, particularly given the amount of money the studio stood to lose by not making Guardians of the Galaxy 3. Besides, what could go wrong? It’s not like the Michael Jackson case where we had lots of suspicious evidence we ignored and later found out he was guilty,” laughed Ida nervously, glancing at her watch hoping she can cash in on GOTG3 before this blows up in her face.

No need for stress, Ida. Any man that tweets, “I like it when little boys touch me in my silly place. Shh!,” surely has nothing sus going on. Enjoy your millions.

Published by Brian Rowe

Brian lives in Queensland with his wife and [insert Councilly approved number of] cats and dogs. He has been described as handsome, charming, intelligent... and his mum also said, “He’s a very good boy.”

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