Mike ‘Whitey’ Black is the organiser of the annual ‘White is Right’ convention held in Mississippi every February. It is here that white supremacist groups converge to share their hatred of black people, their hatred of every other white supremacist group other than their own, their hatred of the choice of this year’s venue and its catering, and their collective love of hip hop music. The annual convention also has one other communal aspect – voting in the recipient of racists highest honour, the annual ‘Hitler of the Year’ award (HOY).
“The HOY is a big deal in the world of white supremacy,” said Whitey Black. “Being called Hitler is the highest compliment you can pay a person, which is why were keen to give it anyone but that phony Donald Trump,” snarls Whitey, spitting on the convention centre carpet.
When Whitey mentions the name Trump, the crowd at the convention finally unites as one – or seven, which is the total number of people there – and agrees, all spitting on the carpet in unison.
“He hasn’t started a World War. He hasn’t invaded a single country. He hasn’t gassed any Jews. Hell, he hasn’t even killed a single person,” vents Whitey, surrounded by a sea of bald heads nodding in agreement. “Until he does at least half of these things, he will never get my vote!”
Asked to move into the next room as dinner is ready to be served, and also asked politely to stop spitting on the carpet, the group continue their discussion over fried chicken, biscuits and gravy and malt liquor.
First time convention attender, Ray Cist, said he and other racists were initially excited with the election of Trump, but have since soured on the orange one. “When I heard CNN calling him Hitler, I thought, ‘Finally! Someone’s gunna do something about them Jews.’ But then Trump goes and moves the U.S. Embassy to Jerusalem. That’s not anti-Jew, that’s pro-Jew. They love him in Israel, he ain’t no Hitler.”
Unable to come up with any alternatives, the group reluctantly agreed to vote Adolf Hitler as the 2018 ‘Hitler of the Year’, a title he was won 71 times, except for the two separate years it was bestowed upon Robert Mugabee and the guy who invented the really hard plastic packaging which you can’t open with your hands and you have to use scissors because it’s impossible to open. Now that guy really is Hitler!