Australian Customs agent suspicious when man returns from Bali without 10 Bintang singlets.

There are many tell-tale signs that people are up to something passing through customs, and Trevor ‘Trev’ Hankins, 34 of Sydney, has seen them all.

“Yeah nah, people are always trying to pull a swift one,” said Trevor, in between drags of his cigarette during a non-scheduled break – his sixth one since starting work an hour and a half ago.

“I’s can take one look at a person and know what they’re about. Take this bloke for example,” says Trevor, pointing at a man approaching us. “Ten bucks he’s pissed off and gunna explode.” (The man in question turned out to be Trevor’s supervisor, who came out to yell at him for taking too many smoke breaks.)

Back on the job, Trevor is all business. “I try not to be sexist in my position of authority (pronounced ‘or-thorra-tee’ by Trev). That’s why I always stop more women than men, to show how I’m no prejed… prejad… not unfair n’ that.” True to his word, Trevor went out of his way to stop every single woman in line, and by that I do mean every ‘single’ woman – ones without wedding rings, ones without partners, ones on their own.

“The most sus bloke I’s seen though was coming back from Bali without the usual paraphernalia (pronounced ‘parra-fen-ale-ia’) Mate, if you haven’t got a wife beater tan, a shit hat with some scribble words on it, and 10 Bintang singlets in your case, I’m onta ya and you’re gone!”

At the time of this article’s publishing, Trevor has been placed on extended leave. Not unhappy about the situation, Trev said it’s been good to spend more time with his mum now that he’s moved back home.

Published by Brian Rowe

Brian lives in Queensland with his wife and [insert Councilly approved number of] cats and dogs. Has been described as handsome, charming, intelligent... and his mum also said, “He’s a very good boy.”

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