Central Queenslanders are licking their fried chicken fingers today with the news that they no longer hold the title of fattest region in Queensland.
In a state where 64.3% of residents are considered obese, CQ have made way for their heavier cousins in Mackay to go directly to the front of the buffet queue.
“What a bunch of porkers,” said Bob Beerbelly, already onto his seventh longneck after work. “I read that 83% of Mackay folks are obese or overweight. That’s what I’ve been making healthier choices,” claimed Bob, resting his longneck on his giant beer gut as he lights up a smoke with both hands.
“They should really do something about this before it gets away from them,” said Mary Muffintop, from the KFC drive through. “Excuse me – Yes, that’s right. All the items in the family pack but for one thanks – Sorry. Gotta watch my weight.”
“Man, where’s their dignity?” asked local singer, Fats Dominospizza. “Have some pride for goodness sakes,” belched Fats, after ordering three family sized pizzas for himself. “Look at me. I’m cutting back.”
Locals in CQ also credit their healthier lifestyle to the never-ending cycle of a gym opening up followed by a new takeaway franchise. “They go hand in hand. Mackay should look into it if they want to be healthy like us,” burped Fats.
Until the 2019 Healthy Lifestyle Survey results are released, in CQ at least, winners are grinners. “We’re number two! We’re number two!” chanted Fats, before heading back into the pizza shop to collect his complimentary garlic breads. “Whoops. Can’t forget me carbs. All part of a balanced diet.”