Connor McGregor officially retires from negotiatin… fighting.

“This isn’t some tactic,” said Connor, totally doing this as a tactic.

UFC fighter Connor McGregor made a surprise announcement today that he has retired from fighting, a statement that seemingly appeared out of the blue. Recently, Connor is reported to have asked for a stake in the UFC and now suddenly he’s no longer fighting.

Making an assumption based on hundreds of hours of press footage with Dana White, we here at the DrunkenSober Chronicle were able to use expensive sophisticated equipment producing complex mathematical algorithms to recreate just how the negotiation went.

[Start conversation] Connor: Giv me a stake in ta compeny ya bald ejit. Dana: Go fuck yourself. [End conversation.]

In a cryptic tweet, McGregor said he has retired from the, “sport formally known as “Mixed Martial Art” today.” Strange, as it was always called Mixed Martial Arts – with an ‘s’ at the end – something he should have known. Perhaps this was a jibe at his last opponent, Khabib Nurmagomedov, who wrestled McGregor into a submission last year, meaning it was meant to be ‘mixed’ when all Khabib did was wrestle. If this was McGregor’s intention, it was a poor jibe, as the ‘mixed’ element also includes take down defence, something completely lacking in McGregor’s arsenal.

Regardless of the cryptic nature of the tweet, most pundits recognise this as a negotiating tactic and expect him to be back doing what he does best – fighting, not appearing in court – by the end of the year. In the meantime, Connor would be well served spending more time wresting with MMA fighters than with fans over phones.

Published by Brian Rowe

Brian lives in Queensland with his wife and [insert Councilly approved number of] cats and dogs. Has been described as handsome, charming, intelligent... and his mum also said, “He’s a very good boy.”

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