Connor McGregor retires from fighting to focus on burgeoning courtroom appearance career.

“I’ve really enjoyed being ta defendant. I tink it’s something I really wanna pursue,” said Connor.

After appearing in a Brooklyn court in July last year, many had hoped it would be the last time the Connor McGregor would ever grace a courtroom again. However, with the sudden retirement announcement from him yesterday, coupled with word of a fresh set of accusations brought against the Irish fighter, it seems he has already found a new calling – being a massive twat

“After me first court appearance, I thought, ‘Tis isn’t so bad,’” said McGregor. “I’m fookin rich, I can do as I please.” And he has, smashing a fans phone and now having sexual assault charges brought against him, leading many to surmise that this is in fact his new career direction.

“I think he fancies himself in handcuffs,” said ringside blue shirt guy, John Morgan. “Getting his photo taken, being treated like a gangster, being made to wear orange – one of the colours of his nations flag – he really loves every part of it. Not to mention, getting all this publicity and then walking away scot free at the end, he may be better at this than actually fighting.”

As weird as it sounds, Connor has received just as much attention for his antics outside of the ring as he has for fighting, and at least this way he skips all the gruelling training and injuries, and goes straight to making headlines.

Having found his new calling, expect Connor to appear in court at least three more times this year. Barring injury of course – once a UFC fighter, always a UFC fighter.

Published by Brian Rowe

Brian lives in Queensland with his wife and [insert Councilly approved number of] cats and dogs. Has been described as handsome, charming, intelligent... and his mum also said, “He’s a very good boy.”

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