Local dishevelled drunk man confused why you don’t trust his tip in race number 7.

Everyone at the local knows perennial drunk man, Ron Orchid, because he has injected himself into every conversation in the pub. But Ron, a gregarious raconteur at the best of times, seems to evolve into a wisdom dispensing sage after nine beers – wisdom he just has to share with strangers.

“G’day youngsters. Take my word for it, ‘Homer’s Neighboureno’ in race 7. Me cousin knows a guy who went to rehab with the trainer,” belches Ron.

“We’re trying to have a conversation here, thanks,” says young office worker, Dave Athelstan 26, angling to chat up Sarah from Accounting.

“Conversations! Funny thing about conversations, they’re a lot like a good bet. And there’s no better bet than ‘Homer’s Neighboureno’ in race 7,” proclaims Ron, skulling his tenth beer.

After multiple hints and outright directions to go away – directions even given with clear hand signals – Dave finally gives in. Making the bet as Ron stands over his shoulder, Dave hopes against hope that he can get back to telling Sarah how much they have in common and how she should come back to his place to meet his neighbours cat – who’s just like a real cat to him – called Whatsitsname. For poor Dave, Ron doesn’t seem to be going anywhere, launching into a new story about the funny thing how cats are just like good bets.

As race 7 comes to a close, and Ron’s tip runs eighth, Dave decides to call it a day as Ron begins to prothletise about his sure thing in race 8.

“You expect to meet at least one drunk guy at the pub,” said Dave shaking his head. “But not at 10.15am.” After Sarah takes a rain check on meeting the neighbours cat, Ron stumbles to the bar for his thirteenth beer and a new conversation to inject himself into about his hot tips in race numbers 8, 9, then 10.

Published by Brian Rowe

Brian lives in Queensland with his wife and [insert Councilly approved number of] cats and dogs. Has been described as handsome, charming, intelligent... and his mum also said, “He’s a very good boy.”

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