Actress Michelle Williams shocked that Mark Wahlberg earns more than her; wait till she finds out what the coffee girl makes.

Michelle Williams described being ‘paralysed’ when she found out that Mark Wahlberg – the highest paid actor in the world – earned more than her for re-shoots on the film ‘All the Money in the World.’ Completely missing the point that Wahlberg is the ‘highest paid actor in the world’, and she has had a far less successful career, Williams felt she should have received the same amount of money for the same amount of work.

“I can’t believe someone who is a bigger star with larger drawing power could earn more than me. Damn patriarchy!” said a stunned Michelle Williams. “When will people who earn a company less money, who bring less people to the cinemas, who sell less tickets, who bring in less advertising revenue, be given the exact same money as the people who are bigger stars?”

Not understanding basic economics, or the power of having a better agent, Williams was in for an even bigger shock when she found out that the coffee girl on set made minimum wage – far less than Wahlberg did too.

“I was on set before him, throughout his time on set, then I was there five hours longer than him too and I didn’t get the same money as him,” said coffee maker, Nes Café (21). “It’s the damn patriarchy!”

Our investigators found that unemployed woman, Carol Couchsitter (31), only worked two weekend shifts at KFC in 2017 and earned even less than Wahlberg as well. “Yeah, nah, I didn’t do shit last year, and Wahlberg gets paid and I don’t. It’s patriarchy bullshit, hey!”

The patriarchy didn’t stop there though, as our investigative team then uncovered that Martha Arthur (102) actually passed away in December 2016, meaning she did not work a single day in 2017 either, and she too received less money than Marky Mark.

Upset at uncovering just how far the patriarchy conspiracy goes, William’s has vowed to write, direct, and star in a movie about this and plans to release it late in 2020.

“It’s going to be an epic movie where I talk into the camera for over two hours about the patriarchy. And if it doesn’t make as much money as Wahlberg’s next Transformer movie, well there’s only one reason for that, isn’t there? The patriarchy!”

Published by Brian Rowe

Brian lives in Queensland with his wife and [insert Councilly approved number of] cats and dogs. He has been described as handsome, charming, intelligent... and his mum also said, “He’s a very good boy.”

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