DC universe makes smart choice to reboot without Jesse Eisenberg.

“Let’s be honest, he was pretty much Lex Lex Binks.”

With Ben Affleck out as Batman, the DC Universe is looking to reboot the Justice League franchise, sort of.

“Gal Gadot and Jason Momoa’s films raked in the cash, so they get to stay. But with Ben Affleck And Henry Cavill said to be out, it’s kind of a half-reboot, half-same-same. The one big change everyone agrees on though, is punting Jesse Eisenberg,” said DC producer, Nota Sgoodasmarvel.

After critics universally panned Eisenbergs’s performance as a Mark Zuckerberg wanna-be who couldn’t intimidate a box of kittens – scaredy-cat ones – everyone at Warner Brothers can’t wait to rectify that casting mistake.

“Let’s be honest, he was pretty much Lex Lex Binks,” said Zac Synder. “I really screwed the pooch on that one. Ever since Batman vs Superman screened, fans been calling for a Synder cut. At first I thought they meant my cut of Justice League, but alas, they want another cut of BvS minus Jesse and boy, they’re not holding back. Listen to these tweets.”

  • ‘Synder should replace Eiseneberg with a ham sandwich.’
  • ‘No. Synder should replace Eisenberg with a cardboard cutout of Gene Hackman and dub his voice over from the 1978 movie.’
  • ‘Better yet. Synder should replace Eisenberg with Jar Jar Binks.’

“Ouch,” said Nota on behalf of Warner Brothers. “Look, when somebody says Jar Jar Binks would make a better replacement, it’s time to listen.”

As the interview drew to a close, Nota could be heard mumbling to herself on the way out the door, “Jesus! Really? Jar Jar!”

It’s definitely safe to say, Eisenberg is definitely out as Luthor. Let’s hope the reboot shakes off the stench of Lex Lex Binks.

Published by Brian Rowe

Brian lives in Queensland with his wife and [insert Councilly approved number of] cats and dogs. He has been described as handsome, charming, intelligent... and his mum also said, “He’s a very good boy.”

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