Animal rights group brings Melbourne to standstill before quickly running out of breath.

“Man, I really need some meat to get my energy up,” said exhausted Vegan protestor, Needsa Showa (27).

The CBD in Melbourne was brought to a standstill today by a group of 100 animal protestors. Originally mistaken for a group protesting the use of soap and basic hygiene, those gathered used their most powerful weapon – the rhyming chant – with every intention of disrupting traffic throughout the entire day. The only problem was, being Vegan, their energy levels were depleted after five minutes.

“What do we want?” chanted group leader, Needsa Shower. 

“Animal rights!” replied the group.

“What do we want?” chanted group leader, Needsa Shower. 

“To have a sit down,” said the group, exhausted from the act of raising their voice. 

What began as a fiery, animated protest quickly descended into a sit in, then a lie down, then a nap in, as their lack of protein, iron, and zinc sapped their strength faster than a fat man running for the bus. 

Defending their dietary choices, Needsa took offence at their sudden tiredness being due to veganism, explaining that as they don’t work the group was not used to getting up before midday and that the nine am start really took it out of them. 

After all the hubbub had died down, and the tiny vegans were lifted off the road easily by their much stronger meat-eating counterparts, the protesters were later seen blocking to entrance to Centrelink, but this turned out to not be a protest, just Dole day.

Published by Brian Rowe

Brian lives in Queensland with his wife and [insert Councilly approved number of] cats and dogs. Has been described as handsome, charming, intelligent... and his mum also said, “He’s a very good boy.”

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