Egg Boy receives official caution after judge determines touching Fraser Anning was punishment enough.

Victorian Police have decided not to press charges against ‘Egg Boy’, William Connolly (17), after cracking Senator Fraser Anning over the head with an egg on March 16. Whilst some were quick to anger over the decision, tempers cooled somewhat when it was revealed that Fraser Anning was also not charged – despite throwing two punches into the boys’ head. While the verdicts reached have outraged some Australian’s, Victorian Police were quick to explain their thinking.

“Come on, who hasn’t thought about smacking Fraser Anning over the head? Be honest. I could take a survey of Question Time right now and come up with at least a two-thirds majority who’d support cracking him one. Besides, touching Fraser Anning is punishment enough. As far as I’m concerned, you’ve done your time, lad,” said Victorian Police spokesperson, Lotta Sticktime (41).

Whilst the explanation appeased the Senator’s detractors, they were still unhappy with Anning getting off Scott free for his two-punch combination. “What grown man hasn’t wanted to lay a few punches into a punk teenager? You can’t hold that against a bloke. Although, I do think he should be charged from dropping his right like that while he threw his left – that was some sloppy arse technique.”

Not everyone involved was let off unscathed, as the man who kicked ‘Egg boy’ while on the ground is still wanted for questioning, as well as a potential offer to backfill Dustin Martin at the Richmond Football Club for the next two weeks.

Published by Brian Rowe

Brian lives in Queensland with his wife and [insert Councilly approved number of] cats and dogs. Has been described as handsome, charming, intelligent... and his mum also said, “He’s a very good boy.”

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