“Deep down, I always knew scientists were Nazis!”
Scientists have dropped a massive bombshell on the environmental movement today with the news that C02 levels were identical three million years ago, preceding SUVs, capitalism, and the current green cause célèbre- cow farts.
After scientists proved that C02 levels were able to reach current levels without human interference, environmentalists have now turned on science itself.
“If you really look at it, most scientists are white and that means they’re automatically Nazi’s,” said white social justice warrior, Cara Lotaboutbollocks (25). “Let’s not forget that scientists wear white lab coats – not yellow, brown, red, or black – but white! We should never trust science again!”
Long held as the reason to believe environmental arguments, it seems science is yesterday’s news being rapidly replaced by more traditional approaches such as newspaper astrology columns.
Cara believes everyone should keep an open mind about the environmental movements change in tactics, but says it’s easy for her to do as she is a Gemini and naturally unbiased and accepting.
“We expect most people to be skeptical at first because Uranus is out of alignment right now which means they’re not ready for change and wisdom.”
According to Cara and other Gemini environmentalists, expect some new global warming claims any day now, accompanied by predictions that the perfect time to invest wisely is soon and that romance is just around the corner.