Navy told not to march in the dark on Anzac Day due to safety concerns. Stumbling around drunk in broad daylight still okay.

Naval personnel have been advised today to not march in the dark to a Dawn Service in Nowra as it is simply too dangerous. Despite naval personnel marching at the Greenwell Point service for the past 30 years, officers from the HMAS Albatross were worried that this was too risky for the modern sailor. When asked why, a naval spokesperson, Ann Chortattoos (36), was only to happy to answer our questions.

“It’s not so much the dangers involved that is stopping us marching in the dark, it’s more avoiding the paperwork if someone falls over. Oh, it’s a nightmare. Everything’s in triplicate, we’ve got to update all the safety signs on base, plus you’ve got to undergo mandatory safety training days with endless boring demonstration videos and they suck,” said Ann.

Despite a public outcry that sailors trained for war can handle walking in a straight line in low visibility, the recruits seem on board with the decision.

“Have you seen the Health and Safety PowerPoint they want to make us watch? Let’s just wait until it’s light instead,” said naval recruit, Chug Rumalot (18).

Once dawn breaks, sailors will attend the Dawn Service and have full permission to engage in the regular festivities.

“Just because we don’t want them to walk in the dark doesn’t mean they’re not allowed to get roaring drunk by 11.00am. We’re not monsters,” said Ann.

Published by Brian Rowe

Brian lives in Queensland with his wife and [insert Councilly approved number of] cats and dogs. He has been described as handsome, charming, intelligent... and his mum also said, “He’s a very good boy.”

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