With a pasty, smelly Julian Assange being ejected from the Ecuadorian Embassy this week, questions have arisen around the world as to the fate of his cat, Michi. The DrunkenSober Chronicle was able to fly to Ecuador this week, after looking it up on a map to see where it actually was, (turns out South America) to nab the first exclusive interview with the feline celebrity.
DC: Michi, thanks for your time.
MTC: A pleasure.
DC: Let’s get straight to it, how was Julian Assange as an owner?
MTC: Yeah, not great. I’m gunna be blunt here – the guy was a total bellend. Everyone knows cats love to sleep on warm keyboards, but he was always pushing me off to tap out some sort of conspiracy nonsense. Can’t a brother just have a kip?
DC: Where there any other issues?
MTC: For sure. Let’s start with all the puns he tweeted out. ‘Counter-purveillance’, ‘cat-listhenics’, ‘meow-ing everyone’. Jesus tap-dancing Christ. I left more creativity in a steaming pile in the embassy litter tray each morning – which he hardly ever cleaned out I might add.
DC: It sounds like your relationship with Julian was strained at the end?
MTC: Totally.
DC: Do you think you and Julian will be reunited in the future?
MTC: I hope not. Did you see the collar and tie he made me wear? It was humiliating. I don’t work a fucking office job!
DC: Michi, thanks for your time.
MTC: Get a dog up ya.
