After finally getting your diet back on track from Christmas, Easter is here to fuck things up again.

After the dieters devils highway – the stretch of time before Christmas and when you go back to work in January – a good three months is needed before the average person gets their eating habits back on track. Which is just in time for Easter, meaning your diet plans this week are pretty much fucked.

And diet expert, Will Powerless, has tried every diet known and has failed at them all, so he knows what he is talking about.

“Usually the first half of the year is terrible for dieting. You spend a third of December eating Christmas snacks off the table at work, then you pig out on Christmas Day. Then you think, ‘We’ll, might just start in the New Year’, but by then you’ve had three weeks off the wagon and it’s all uphill,” said Will, out of breath from saying three complete sentences in a row. “And by the time you get things back on track, Easter arrives and throws a tonne of chocolate at you. You can’t win.”

Considering the shops start putting chocolate eggs out on December 26th, straight after your Christmas binge, getting your diet in order before Easter is a tall order.

“My advice,” said Will finishing fried chicken and gravy for breakfast, “is don’t start your diet until Easter is over. That gives you a clear run up until early December where you can succeed.”

Will has even come up with a name for his diet – The 8 On, 4 Off.

“Eight months of dieting, then four months of binging. Of course, I am morbidly obese and the only exercise I do is my thrice daily Maccas run, so feel free to ignore my suggestions,” belched Will.

Whether you take Will’s advice or not, one thing is certain – your diet isn’t lasting through the Easter long weekend. Best to start fresh on Monday. Let’s be honest, the Tuesday.

Published by Brian Rowe

Brian lives in Queensland with his wife and [insert Councilly approved number of] cats and dogs. Has been described as handsome, charming, intelligent... and his mum also said, “He’s a very good boy.”

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