After winning his fifteenth major championship at the 2019 Masters Golf Tournament on the weekend, Tiger Woods is celebrating a return to form which saw him last win the Masters back in 2005. Happy to be back in the winner’s circle, Tiger is also looking forward to the perks that come along with the title.
“It’s been a tough decade,” said Woods. “I used to be married to an international model, then I ended up passed out drunk in my car sleeping with Denny’s waitresses. But, now that I’m back on top, I expect to be pulling Playboy bunnies in no time.”
Looking out over the adoring crowd, Tiger was already planning his first conquests. “Alright, alright, alright,” said Tiger rubbing his hands together.
Considered by some to have a sex addiction – and a run-of-the-mill sex pest by others – Tiger’s wandering eye is now casting itself over the #MeToo landscape, where his predatory behaviour is no doubt going to land him in trouble quick smart.
“I haven’t got long on top, so I might as well make the most of it. Hey. Wat’s up?” smiled Tiger, eyeing the nearest attractive woman to him. After officials pointed out that was another players wife, Tiger shrugged and said, “So?”
Given Tiger’s return to form, we expect a new waitress sex scandal any day now.
