Over 97% of the world’s top scientists agree that temperatures are rising, which is great news for the 3% who are actually right as temperatures continue to plummet around the globe.
“Just because things are getting colder doesn’t mean they aren’t getting hotter,” said Al Gore from his palatial mansion in Tennessee. “People still have to learn to get by on less if we hope to save the planet,” Al stated as his servant brought him another warm mug of soup to enjoy through the coldest winter ‘heatwave’ that Nashville has ever experienced.
When questioned about the inaccuracy of the climate movements claims, Al pointed to the myriad of successful predictions they have made. “In 1970, we said the world would be in an Ice Age by the year 2000. In the 1980s, we said the world would run out of resources. In the 1990s, we said the world would end due to the Ozone Layer. In the early 2000s, we said there would be no more polar ice by 2015. So, when you really look at and study those claims, I think we were pretty close to the mark in that they were predictions. In fact, you can definitely say with 100% certainty that we did make predictions,” pointed out Al, as his maid brought him a fur cap to keep the chilly warmth at bay.
Al was kind enough to explain to us just why his sprawling estate needed 21 times more energy than the average American home. You see, it turns out the business of making PowerPoint based movies takes its toll. “I’m not worried about my power bill because I’m saving the planet from disaster with my predictions,” barked Al as his wife placed a second heater at his feet. “Do you feel that?” asked a defiant Al. “Tell me you didn’t feel the room getting hotter right now? See! Global Warming!” When we pointed out the warmth was coming from the heaters in the room, Al proceeded to call us ‘Climate Change Deniers’ and ‘Flat Earther’s’ for some reason.
As global temperatures continue to fall, we asked Al for a final prediction at the end of our visit. “By the year 2030, I’m still going to be making money off this climate thing. And that’s a prediction you can take to the bank.”