Latest time-saving service for Millennials is here – We Wipe UR Ass.

“I’m just too busy to wipe my own arse,” said Millennial spokesperson, Liv Swithmum (25).

After the explosion of pre-cooked meal services for time-poor Millennials, Uber eats and people coming around to clean and do your chores, companies are scrambling to cash in on young people’s obsession with saving time. Although a large portion of Millennials still live at home, and work part-time, it seems a majority of them simply don’t have the minutes left to do basic chores.

“I’m just too busy to wipe my own arse,” said Millennial spokesperson, Livs Withmum (25). “Between working part-time and watching Netflix, Stan, and Foxtel, being on FB, Instagram and Snapchat, and getting food delivered, I just don’t have time for all those demanding things we have to do each day. That’s why I’m excited about this new arse wiping service teaming up with Uber.”

We Wipe UR Ass is simple. Customers download the app and when they feel a log coming on, they tap a button and an Uber driver will deliver a specially trained wipeologist to your doorstep inside of 20 minutes.

Experts estimate this will save young people up to five minutes a day – six if you’re prone to curries. Once up and running, the company has other time saving ideas like putting toothpaste on your brush for you and putting your rings on your fingers for you.

Published by Brian Rowe

Brian lives in Queensland with his wife and [insert Councilly approved number of] cats and dogs. Has been described as handsome, charming, intelligent... and his mum also said, “He’s a very good boy.”

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