On a day when our nation pauses to pay their respects to our fallen soldiers, and to our current service people serving in the armed forces, some Aussies choose the to pay their respects with the highest honour known Down Under – by getting shitfaced.
“Yeah, nah. You’ve gotta pay ya respects on Anzac Day hey,” said Reg Loganborn, 32. “And there’s no higher honour than gettin bloind down the RSL, gettin into a foight, and then passin out.”
And truer words have never been spoken, because it would make sense to ‘get bloind’ in the middle of the birth of your child, in the middle of a court appearance, and in the middle of a funeral. Of course you’d get drunk when you meet the in-laws for the first time, your first day at a new job, and the first time you apply for a bank loan, because getting pissed is the perfect way to show respect.
“Yeah some doubters think we’re not paying respects, rather we’re just using the day to get off our heads, but they couldn’t be more wrong. These diggers died for us, so its our responsibility – nay, duty – to smash down 12 Buddy rums and have a chunder,” said Charles L. Head, 45.
“I dunno why people are getting their noses out of joint. We stay silent for a minute – a full minute – of silence! Sure we then follow it with an entire day of swearing, fighting and excessive drinking, but they conveniently forget we’re well behaved for 60 seconds,” said Ima Moron, 28.
After a full day of paying respect, you’ll find these true Australian heroes either being escorted out of pubs by security, or being stretched out by Ambulance crews. Respect lads.