After a few kids break limbs on monkey bars, parents don’t think banning them goes far enough.

Ima Moron is angry with her kid’s Primary school and rightly so. “My kid was running on the concrete and fell over and scraped her knee. Sure, not running on the concrete is a school rule, but we should ban all concrete!” screamed an irate Ima.

Instead of not being an idiot, parents everywhere are on board with Ima’s way of thinking, wanting to banish anything that can hurt their kids.

“No more sharp pencils, rulers that kids can hit each other with, cold treats for the Tuck shop which cause brain freeze, paper which can cause cuts or anything that kids find hard,” said T. Wat of their local Parents and Citizens committee.

Parents aren’t the only group who want to ban things that can hurt kids, as Doctors have called for monkey bars to be banned across the country. “We see four kids a day with broken limbs. This needs to stop,” said Doctor Dummy, oblivious to the fact these kids are keeping him in a job.

All these complaints have been heard by politicians, who are looking to remove every slight obstacle facing kids. “It’s my dream that by the year 2030, no Australian kid shall need a band aid ever again!” said politician, F. Wit.

Before a resolution can be found, the Government is still wrestling with a bigger problem they can’t seem to crack – why kids these days lack resilience. Perhaps we will never know.

Published by Brian Rowe

Brian lives in Queensland with his wife and [insert Councilly approved number of] cats and dogs. He has been described as handsome, charming, intelligent... and his mum also said, “He’s a very good boy.”

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