Wine sales skyrocket as NAPLAN starts.

“I’m going to need to double my wine bottle quota this week, so make it 12,” said Year 3 teacher, Aimee Jones (27).

Considered the most stressful week of the year for teachers, NAPLAN week also holds the honour of aiding bottle shops across the country set new wine sales records. And given how the tests start tomorrow, wine sales are already on track to set a new PB.

Local bottle shop owner Bev Eridge (57) has been in the trade for over three decades and looks forward to NAPLAN every year.

“Yeah once it’s over me and the family always go on an overseas holiday thanks to teachers. The top seller is Chardonnay, followed by Rose, then shots of whatever. The average teacher usually doubles their wine consumption so that’s a lot of piss being sold,” said Bev.

“Lots of studies show that NAPLAN is highly stressful for kids, but it’s worse for the teachers. I’m going to need to double my wine bottle quota this week, so make it 12,” said Year 3 teacher, Aimee Jones (27).

Even non-teachers know just how big a role NAPLAN plays in wine sales, as regular drinkers avoid bottle shops between 3.15 and 4.30pm this week. 

“It’s like a war zone in the wine aisle every afternoon. You hear more clinking than a recycling bin being emptied on a Monday morning,” said Bev. “But hey, I’m not complaining. Thanks to the Board of Education and the uncontrollable drinking habits of teachers, I’m off to Bali for three weeks. Yeeeeww!”

Published by Brian Rowe

Brian lives in Queensland with his wife and [insert Councilly approved number of] cats and dogs. Has been described as handsome, charming, intelligent... and his mum also said, “He’s a very good boy.”

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