The latest breakthrough in renewable energy may power the planet – Whiney Bitch Ass power.

Australia’s foremost authority on heaps smart brain thinkness – DrunkenSober Community College – has made an amazing breakthrough in renewable energy, by tapping into our most abundant resource: whiney bitch ass people on the internet.

Exploding as if seemingly from nowhere with the creation of social media, Associate Professor Maffew Sheargold (pictured) believes he has nearly cracked the code on how to turn this virtually limitless supply of whining into actual energy. sus-dave-2

“It’s pretty simple really. When people bitch on the internet, which all studies show makes up over 98% of current internet usage – with the remaining 2% consisting of correspondence and cat pictures – we plug in a cord and convert it into energy. As soon as I perfect the calibration on my doo-hickey, I’ll be a bazillionaire.”

Although A.P. Maffew hasn’t perfected his extraction process, other than designing it on the back of a Keno card down the pub last night, he is correct that these days the internet runs purely on outrage.

“Think of the applications possible with just Game of Thrones season 8 bitching. ‘Episode 3 was too dark! Jon didn’t say goodbye to Ghost! Dany went out of character!’ We could power South East Asia on this alone. And once the final ep hits and the internet hates it – which it will – we could run the entire Southern Hemisphere for a month,” said an excited Sheargold.

Although the device won’t be ready in time to capture all the GOT bitching, A.P. Maffew isn’t concerned. There’s plenty more whiney bitch-assness online to last three lifetimes.

Published by Brian Rowe

Brian lives in Queensland with his wife and [insert Councilly approved number of] cats and dogs. Has been described as handsome, charming, intelligent... and his mum also said, “He’s a very good boy.”

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