Australian Defence Force releases 237 page gender guide just in time for our next conflict against the patriarchy.

“Forget North Korea, its the coming age of equality where the real battle is,” said Major, Joe Jerkoff (35).

Proving that there is no bottom to the well of dumb decisions these days, the ADF – whose primary purpose is to fight and defend our country through the use of war – has moved away from military manoeuvres to focus instead on gender studies.

With women integrated into combat units since 2012, the ADF feels now is the perfect time to focus less on warfare and more on our soldiers feelings.

“With men and women working so close together in the field, nothing is more important than ensuring someone doesn’t call the other ‘hot’. Forget North Korea, its the coming age of equality where the real battle is,” said Major, Joe Jerkoff (35).

The ADF has a very simple mission – focus more on developing our troops emotional intelligence – a mission they hope to achieve by some of the following actions:

– replace rifle and bayonet course with appropriate pronoun practice;

– substitute map reading skills with navigating soldiers internal feelings;

– expand camouflage application to include manicures, facials, and pedicures.

ADF top brass are confident that when soldiers go into combat and get shot, they will now have the tools to discuss their feelings and admit to being scared and experiencing pain (although nothing like the pain of childbirth of course). 

While ISIS is toughening up 8-year-old kids by having them behead prisoners of war, our metrosexual sensitive new age troops will no doubt be up to the task of stopping them in the not too distant future.

Published by Brian Rowe

Brian lives in Queensland with his wife and [insert Councilly approved number of] cats and dogs. He has been described as handsome, charming, intelligent... and his mum also said, “He’s a very good boy.”

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