Army reservist disappointed his basic training didn’t involve a single rendition of ‘I don’t know but I’ve been told.’

Fresh from a five-week basic training camp at Kapooka, New South Wales, new recruit Brian Ray was bitterly disappointed with the experience. Not for the physical exercise, the drills, or the instruction, but for not completing a single run where soldiers sing along to dirty limericks.

“It’s like every Army movie lied to me,” remarked Private Brian Ray (26). “I couldn’t believe it. All military movies have two common threads – sergeants yelling at you non-stop and singing ditties whilst running. There was plenty of running down there, but not a single blue tune was belted out. I feel lied to,” said Pvt. Brian.

The lie isn’t what’s bothering the Private, it’s all the preparation that went into the lead up to Kapooka.

“I learned ‘em all. ‘I don’t know but I’ve been told’, ‘I wanna be an Air Force Ranger’, even the paratrooper one about ‘He ain’t gunna jump no more.’ Hell, I even learned the ‘1, 2, 3, 4 – I love the Marine Corps’ chant, knowing full well we wouldn’t sing it, but I did it just in case and nothing – not one dirty sing along,” moaned the Private.

Unimpressed, Pvt Brian I unsure whether he will raise this oversight with his commanding officers when he returns to his unit.

“Depends. As long as we spend lots of time after training involved in heavy duty drinking games, going to strip clubs and getting into fist-fights, I think that will make up for it.”

Upon completion of the interview, we discovered that Private Brian’s military viewing consisted of watching Stripes, Major Payne, and Top Secret, which now makes perfect sense.

Published by Brian Rowe

Brian lives in Queensland with his wife and [insert Councilly approved number of] cats and dogs. He has been described as handsome, charming, intelligent... and his mum also said, “He’s a very good boy.”

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