For long suffering Parramatta fans defeating the Brisbane Broncos 38-10 was a glorious feeling this week, however not everyone has shared in the jubilation. Long occupying a solid spot on the bottom of the NRL ladder – the polar opposite of the Broncos who have won multiple Premierships since the 1980s – religious leaders everywhere saw this as a sign of pending doom. From Sydney to Tokyo to Yemen to Namibia, the consensus seems to be that this is one of the seven signs of the apocalypse.
“Let’s be honest, you could essentially fix the Eels place on the bottom of the ladder with screws and araldite – that’s how often they’re there. For them to beat a top contender – even one with questionable form – it means that something is stirring and that you need to send me money,” said religious leader, Ima Fraud (47).
“Surely the rapture is upon us?” declared pastor Johnny Takeyourcash (54). “When the Eels start winning, it means that the world is turning upside down. The Devil walks among us and that can only mean you need to send me money.”
“The Devil is a slippery one – and it just so happens that eels are slippery too! What more proof do you need of the end of days? And that you should send me money?” said Father Wesa Takecheques (62).
Naturally such claims of the end of days cannot be verified, but on the off chance Parramatta makes the Grand Final in 2019 you might want to say a prayer or two asking for forgiveness in case they’re right.