After claiming they’re a legitimate sports organisation, Dana White says UFC open to Tom Cruise fighting Justin Bieber.

“We’re totally not a joke sport,” lied Dana White.

Fans need to stop asking how much more of a joke the UFC can become, as it appears President Dana White is taking it as a personal challenge. After signing professional wrestler CM Punk to the promotion – a man with no amateur experience and who lost his two UFC fights – the red-faced goof has said he is open to Tom Cruise and Justin Bieber punching on in the promotion.

Unlike any other sport which has things called ‘regulating bodies’ and ‘rankings’, an average Joe cannot usually walk off the street and have a crack in professional sports. You can’t say you’re good at doing burnouts and get a start in NASCAR. You can’t say you’ve watched a lot of Olympics so you should get a crack at a gold medal. So why is it, in what is supposed to be a legitimate sport, people with no training whatsoever can fight next to professional athletes? This question is rhetorical of course, because the answer is clearly money.

“Fuck off. It’s not about fucking money,” screamed the tubby red ball. “We’re doing this fight because it could bring in a lot of revenue – which is a totally different word that’s spelt differently and everything!” 

At present, the entire world is hoping Tom says yes so he can put a beat down on Biebs and give us all a good laugh. And if the UFC make another billion dollars in the process, good luck to them.

Published by Brian Rowe

Brian lives in Queensland with his wife and [insert Councilly approved number of] cats and dogs. He has been described as handsome, charming, intelligent... and his mum also said, “He’s a very good boy.”

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