Pre-chopped onions now available at Coles. I for one welcome our new pre chopping overlords.

Life was getting way too much to deal with. Tears have been flowing left right and centre. There were dramas with our partners, bills to be paid and onions to chop. All three things are very capable of producing bucket loads of tears, but now thanks to Coles, we only need to worry about our relationships and our financials.

“Well, that’s one less thing I need to worry about,” said Stuart Sluggard.

“When I get home from work the last thing I need to be thinking about is chopping onions. I need to run the bath and scour the Netflix menu for something new to watch. I cant be spending five minutes chopping onion.”

Which is ironic as Stuart claims he hasn’t actually cooked himself a meal for years, mainly living off pizza pockets and home delivery.

“This is true,” said Stuart. “However, if I ever do wish to cook myself a meal, I shouldn’t have to be wasting valuable time chopping onions. Besides I already do lots of crying in the kitchen when I run out of mac n cheese.”

The pre-chopped onions save people so much time they are rated up there with the Berocca twist top tablet which drops straight into water – like anyone has five seconds to move a tablet 20cm over to a different glass.

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