After two fires caused the loss of 45,000 barrels of Jim Beam bourbon, the suburb of Logan went into shutdown today with the entire employed part of the population – seven and a half people – calling in sick. Residents took to the streets wearing various Jim Beam paraphernalia to collectively mourn such a profound tragedy.
“Yeah it’s fucked hey,” said Logan local, Iva Lotsakids (21). “What a waste of good piss hey.”
“If I had a job I’d definitely call in sick,” said Logan resident, Bob Dolebludger (28). “But since I don’t, I got up early at 11.45am to come and join in being sad.”
“Yeah nah, nah yeah,” said Loganite, Commie Dore (29). “All that bourbon gone to waste, it’s not right yeah.”
Early estimates from the government are that this stop work action by the suburb of Logan could cause the economy a net loss of almost $630. Fortunately, bottleshops across the suburb are still fully stocked with Beam so today pretty much looks like any other day in Logan.
