Health officials blame technology on teenagers going blind. Older people mad no one is mentioning wanking.

“When I got glasses even the teacher called me ‘Peter Pullsalot,” said angry senior, Joe Jerkoff (71).

With myopia (shortsightedness) quadrupling over the last decade, experts are blaming young people’s increased use of technology. Since screen time is currently at an all time high, it is believed the increase in shortsightedness is causing behavioural problems in classrooms. But these comments from some of Australia’s leading optometrists have not been well received, especially amongst anyone over 30 who was teased mercilessly for belting one out on the old pork flute once they got glasses.

“This is an outrage. When I got glasses even the teacher called me ‘Peter Pullsalot,” said angry senior, Joe Jerkoff (71). “It’s not technology’s fault, it’s all the porn they’re wanking to.”

Feigning offence, the younger generation have hit back at such outlandish claims.

“What? That’s crazy! It’s my iPads fault I watch so much porn… I mean, do so much homework,” said teenager, Han Dlotion (16).

Regardless of the cause, teenagers are becoming more and more shortsighted and parents have no clue why – especially as their teenagers’ bedroom doors are always locked and they can’t get in to see.

Published by Brian Rowe

Brian lives in Queensland with his wife and [insert Councilly approved number of] cats and dogs. Has been described as handsome, charming, intelligent... and his mum also said, “He’s a very good boy.”

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