Futuristic anti-sex toilets spray users and sound an alarm if they detect violent movement.

A small town in Wales has taken the extraordinary step of purchasing anti-sex toilets which shall be installed later this year. The futuristic toilet blocks can detect when there are multiple people in the stalls and when there is violent movement. When such instances are detected, cold water will spray from the roof and a siren will sound.

A few questions come to mind. Firstly, is there so much sex going down at the local toilet block that this warrants the expense of the new toilets? Which comes in at around 200,000 pounds? 

Secondly, surely there could’ve been a much cheaper way to prevent sex from happening down at the local toilets? Perhaps they could hang some posters on the walls of Kathy Bates naked getting into the spa in the film “About Schmidt,” or anything with Rosie O’Donnell on it, which surely should be enough to prevent any male erections? As for the women, well politicians normally do the trick. Donald Trump, Boris Johnson or John Howard perhaps? With some Nickelback playing from concealed speakers. This should do the trick and be a lot less expensive.

The futuristic anti-sex toilets also have weight sensors, so they can tell there are two or more people in the stalls if there is too much weight. This provides even more questions. What base weight are they using? So now obese people can’t even use public toilets without getting showered in freezing water? 

Another feature of the toilets is to prevent people from sleeping in the toilets. If someone is in there too long the heaters are turned off and all doors opened. So there goes any thoughts of having a long poo session.

One of the positive features of the new toilets is they are self-cleaning. Every 10 minutes they hose themselves down and at night time they do a thorough 10-minute wash. Clean toilets. The future is here.

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