Dog translator invented. Turns out late-night barking contains deep philosophical discussions.

Long considered mindless noise by territorial animals, it seems that late night barking between dogs – usually over a fence or two – actually involves deep, considered philosophical musings thanks to a canine translator invented at Monash University.

“Panaetius is without question the leading stoic philosopher,” barked Rex at 1.37am.

“I do believe you’re trivializing the work of Seneca,” woofed Socks at 1.38am.

“Marcus Aurelius! Marcus Aurelius! Marcus Aurelius!” repeated Barney over and over between 1.39-1.45am.

“Each night we like to discuss various viewpoints on philosophical and sociological issues,” explained Rex. “We do our best thinking at night, which is when these debates take place.”

“We’re making the world a richer place with our artistic discussions,” mused Socks. “That is until the human’s interrupt with their never-ending crassness.”

And interrupt they do, as the first of a series of, “Fucken shut up” punctuates the air at 1.45am, directly following Barney’s point of view.

“Uncouth, that’s what they are! Zero cultural appreciation from those two-leggers,” states Rex emphatically.

After another, “Fucken shut up” rings out, the dogs fall deathly quiet. That is until Barney has to have the last word.

“Marcus Aurelius for life” barks Barney, before, “SHUT THE FUCK UP!” punctuates the air.

Going quiet, the dogs all smile to themselves knowing full well they will start this discussion back up again – as soon as the humans have fallen asleep.

Published by Brian Rowe

Brian lives in Queensland with his wife and [insert Councilly approved number of] cats and dogs. Has been described as handsome, charming, intelligent... and his mum also said, “He’s a very good boy.”

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