Education

Primary schools painting giant ‘H’s’ in carparks to give helicopter parents somewhere to land.

“And you’d like a desk in your child’s class to parent them all day. Sure thing,” said education spokesperson Spi Neless (46).

In a bold new move by the State Government, Queensland schools are painting giant ‘H’s’ in carparks to provide the growing number of helicopter parents somewhere to land.

“This is a logical step forward in our innovative approach of never saying no to parents,” said spokesperson Spi Neless (46). “There’s nothing more important to school administrations and District Office than catering to the whims of one upset parent, so by providing them with a place to land, they can better hover over their children which is of course a perfectly natural and healthy way for a child to develop.”

Under the new plan, parents will be able to have a desk next to their child in class, determine which work they will or won’t do and decide on the exact social circle they want for their children. Sociologists agree, nothing could possibly go wrong with such a coddling approach to child-rearing. And it’s not just school Admins and District Offices that are on board, it’s kids too.

“I was helicopter parented and I turned out fine, didn’t I, mum?” asks Shaun Malacy (31), still living at home.

“Worked our great for me. I moved back home after I hit a traumatic and devastating life incident – when a guy I liked didn’t like me – and now mum still takes care of me,” said Alice Wendell (38).

Once all ‘H’s’ are finally painted, schools will look to extend this brilliant approach by adjusting school timetables to suit any and all parents.

“If a kid has sat up until 4am playing video games, it’s only fair they get to sleep till noon and our teachers then teach until 7 o’clock at night,” said District Office representative, Hanva Beeninaclassroomforadecade (57).

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