Recent study confirms that if you’re white and you say you hate white people, there’s a 98% chance you’re an insufferable twat.

sus-dave-3

A recent study by one of Australia’s most reputable institutes, Drunkensober Community College, has discovered something rather profound – white people who claim not to be racist, yet hate white people, are in fact total bellends.

“Utter tosspots,” declared Associate Professor, Maffew Sheargold. “If they’re white and say they hate white people, there’s a 98% chance they’re an insufferable twat.”

Making what some consider one of the greatest connections in academic history, the study has rocked academia to its core.

“We found that racism is the act of hating one particular group based on the colour of their skin, then found that white is actually a colour. No matter where we checked, we kept seeing that same fact over and over – Primary school art curriculums, wedding TV shows, Taubman’s paint charts – it really was the discovery of the century!”

The good news is that failing to connect these two simple points is less of an indictment on our education system, and more related to pretentious douchery.

“We found that white people who say they hate white people often had only one ethnic friend, strong retinas from their constant eye-rolling they do every ten minutes, and went for their P plate drivers test in their parents Volvo,” said A.P. Sheargold. “These twats also started day one of University in clean clothes and carried a packed lunch, but within six months their designer jeans were strategically ripped and they claimed they could only afford a dish called ‘2 minute noodles’.”

A key takeaway from the study was to avoid sitting next to these people in any room, office or mode of public transport lest you be caught in their eye roll crossfire.

After such a breakthrough, one could forgive Drunkensober Community College for resting on their laurels, but the school is right back at it with their next study – the rate of assumption that a person is good based on the length of their dreadlocks.

Published by Brian Rowe

Brian lives in Queensland with his wife and [insert Councilly approved number of] cats and dogs. Has been described as handsome, charming, intelligent... and his mum also said, “He’s a very good boy.”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: