Study shows blokes who talk a lot about fighting after a few beers are really great at monologuing.


The most recent study out of Drunkensober Community College has found that blokes who get ‘as toey as a Roman sandal’ after a few brewskies are in fact gifted monologuers. Associate Professor Maffew Sheargold’s department found that lads who get all lippy have a natural flair for verbiage and are the true connoisseurs of Australian literature.

“‘Fight me and there’ll be two hits – me hitting you and the ambulance hitting a hundred’ is one of the classic monologues from these chaps,” said A.P. Sheargold. “But the range of soliloquy’s is limitless. ‘You talking to me or chewing bricks? Either way you’re gunna lose your teeth’ and ‘Let’s go outside and I’ll plant you like a Christmas tree’ are just two more examples of great Australian of literature.”

A.P. Sheargold also found these men have a natural flair for poetry.

“‘We can go toe-to-toe and blow-for-blow’ and ‘Let me know if you wanna go’” shows how these men are in fact the descendents of William Shakespeare himself.”

The study concluded that if are ever privileged to witness an exchange of monologues between men such as these that you soak up the rich tapestry of language on offer. That said, they recommend you not stick around for the fight as these men are often shit.

Published by Brian Rowe

Brian lives in Queensland with his wife and [insert Councilly approved number of] cats and dogs. He has been described as handsome, charming, intelligent... and his mum also said, “He’s a very good boy.”

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