Man uses ‘Find my phone app’ on wife’s phone to see if he has time enough to rub one out.

Dick Willington (43) works in IT and has come up with what he believes is a genius use of the ‘Find my phone’ app – to check his wife’s location to ensure he has time to rub one out.

“The missus asked me to install the ‘Find my phone’ app after she couldn’t find the bloody thing AGAIN,” said Mr Willington. “And once I did, I ran a check on it the next day – just to see if it worked – and I noticed she was at Woolies, which is a good 10-minute drive from home. So I thought, ‘Hey, that’s plenty of time to feed the chooks’ and away I went. And I’ve been using the app ever since.”

Since revealing his trick to a mate down the pub, men everywhere have shown their appreciation for this ingenious life hack.

“Big thanks to Dick,” said Tom Tissuebox (35). “I would never have thought of that. Appreciate it, legend.”

“Man, no more getting busted in the shower. Thanks Dick,” said Han Dlotion (25).

“Thanks to you I’ve been able to up me numbers to five times a day. You’re a legend,” said a High Court Magistrate (60) who wishes to remain anonymous.

A humble man at heart, Dick takes little credit and is just glad he could help a brother out. However, a grateful male species wants to show him their appreciation and has plenty in store for Dick, including three Knighthood nominations and 37 for Australian of the Year.

On ya champ.

Published by Brian Rowe

Brian lives in Queensland with his wife and [insert Councilly approved number of] cats and dogs. He has been described as handsome, charming, intelligent... and his mum also said, “He’s a very good boy.”

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