Phones are ruining our memories to the point that parents are now tattooing their kids names on their arms.

The golden age of technology and inventions heralded a world where electronics have made our lives infinitely better, however mobile phones are turning out to cause more problems than they solve. Added to the long list of issues caused by phones – decline in the art of conversation, people walking into poles due to inattention etc. – comes a new problem: their negative impact on memory.

“It used to be that we memorised at least 7-10 important phone numbers for emergencies,” said Luddite, Liv Onafarm (31). “Now, thanks to phones, people aren’t even bothering to use their brains to remember 000.”

It can be said that Liv makes a good point, especially now that there has been an uptick in basic items being tattooed on people’s bodies.

“Well, it started probably seven, eight years ago. Customers would come into the tattoo parlour and ask for simple things tattooed on their hands like ‘Get milk and bread,’ ‘Remember to feed the goldfish.’ But the big one we see now is parents getting their kids names on their body. Fair dinkum, if you can’t remember your kids name something’s wrong,” said tattoo artist, John Scratcher (29).

Asked if it’s not so much about memory, but more about honouring their child, Scratcher was quick to answer.

“Nah. I’ve seen customers, halfway through a session, yell at their kid, “D stop. Dec stop climbing on the furniture.” Then, once the session is done, they’re yelling out “Declan! Fucking stop it!””

With names, birth dates, and basic reminders being tattooed on people’s bodies, thanks to us farming out our long-term memories to devices, the biggest irony is that this could all be done in a simple calendar app on your actual phone.

“I appreciate the money, but next time, just put these details into your phones calendar and pick yourself a nice skull or butterfly tattoo,” said Mr Scratcher. “This way, you keep your poor memory to yourself.”

Published by Brian Rowe

Brian lives in Queensland with his wife and [insert Councilly approved number of] cats and dogs. Has been described as handsome, charming, intelligent... and his mum also said, “He’s a very good boy.”

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