Now that past comments on Facebook and Twitter are being used against people, every male ever now barred from holding any type of position.

The Citizens United Net Taskforce Section have a lot of work cut out for them – trawling through every single person’s internet history to catch them saying something wrong.

“This is important work”, said A. Hole (27), the team leader of the taskforce. Take this guy for example, 14-years-old playing COD online. Gets taken out with a headshot and says, “That’s gay.” Now it’s up to us to ruin his life. Good luck ever holding public office you hate monger!”

“Got another one, boss”, high-fives D. Bag (27). “10-year-old in an elementary school playground. Asked if he wants to join in hopscotch but said, “No. That’s gay.”

“Good work. Make that go viral and we’ll guarantee they never grow up to be employable,” said A. Hole.

“At the end of every day, I feel a sense of pride knowing that what we do is important”, as A. Hole’s email dings and he quickly deletes it. When asked what it was, A. Hole seems unfazed. “Oh. Just another suicide notice about someone’s life we have ruined. Who cares. Hey, anyone feel like sushi for lunch?”

When asked just how young they are prepared to go, the team takes pride in the time they caught a hateful one-year-old.

“That was a hum dinger. Toddler in its crib just uttered phrase, “Ga ga ga gay.” Man, we all really enjoyed ruining its life”, laughed the team.

One thing is for sure, these Citizens United Net Taskforce Section do take pride in their work.

Published by Brian Rowe

Brian lives in Queensland with his wife and [insert Councilly approved number of] cats and dogs. Has been described as handsome, charming, intelligent... and his mum also said, “He’s a very good boy.”

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