After bursting onto the scene in June of 2017 as the frontrunner to ‘Most ironically titled group ever’, Antifa – short for Anti-Fascists – set about ridding the United States of fascism by increasing the number of fascists in the country.
“We are 100% committed to eradicating Nazis!” said Chester Snowflake III (21), standing lockstep with his brothers and sisters in their stylish off-brown shirts. “We’re going to smash up business windows, run riot in the streets, and drive those fascists from our country!”
Just then, one of the off-brown shirts members produced some stylish red and white armbands them to wear as they thrust their left arm into the air for their Antifa salute. All over the neighbourhood, Antifa members placed up stylish posters portraying Trump supporters as rats with big noses, dehumanizing them at every turn.
“We’re not here to talk! We’re not here to listen! We know we’re right and we’re going to smash our beliefs right into people’s faces,” screamed Elizabeth Moneywealth IV (22), after driving to the protest in her trust-fund bought Bentley. “We’re real people who understand the downtrodden,” said Elizabeth as she and nine others beat a homeless guy with a club lock for the crime of displaying a cardboard sign asking for money. “You capitalist pig!” screeched Elizabeth, before running away at the sound of what turned out to be a toy fire engine.
“All I know is thank the Goddess somebody is doing something about these fascists,” cried Oliver Undergraduateforlife (32), after six of his members knocked down a little old lady in a generic red hat before kicking her in the face repeatedly.
Chester asked me to let all readers know that if you have a town that has one or two pro-Trump people isolated and alone, preferably of an age that their mob has a good chance of beating, please email them at firstname.lastname@example.org