Research shows that people who say ‘The research shows’ only use studies that suit their narrative.


A new study out of Australia’s most trusted educational institute, Drunkensober Community College, has discovered the people who start sentences with ‘The research shows’ only use studies that advance their agenda.

“It’s a common trick in academia,” said respected academic, Associate Professor Maffew Sheargold (pictured). “They find a study that suits their narrative and they beat people over the head with it.”

“Take education. Probably the most famous is “The research shows class size doesn’t matter,” yet every teacher who has ever stepped into a classroom will tell you that’s bollocks.”

And it turns out education isn’t the only area where this qualifier is abused. “Environmentalism is another. The research showed that there would be no more polar ice by 2013, according to Al Gore. Low and behold, bullshit.”

The worst offenders it seems, however, are politicians where the research shows they deserve a pay rise every year when clearly they don’t. According to A.P. Maffew, nothing can stop the mis-quoting and abuse of academic studies. And how does he know?

“The research shows it!” claims Maffew.

Published by Brian Rowe

Brian lives in Queensland with his wife and [insert Councilly approved number of] cats and dogs. Has been described as handsome, charming, intelligent... and his mum also said, “He’s a very good boy.”

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