With a TV show that was too rushed, and a book release that’s too slow, Game of Thrones fans cannot win.

With the first book of the ‘A Song of Ice and Fire’ series by George R. R. Martin being released in 1996, fans are still waiting for the last two books to be completed. Considering Martin is now the worlds leading expert on procrastination, chances are identical to his current body shape i.e. fat.

Which is the opposite of the problem that the TV show fans have, as the producers rushed the series which resulted in a rather unsatisfying conclusion for a large portion of viewers. All in all this has left fans of the series a trifle miffed, as they cannot seem to catch a break. Like long-time fan of the series, Her Majesty the Queen.

“I’m so sick of this prick,” said Queen Elizabeth II. “First he killed off Robb, then Hodor, and now he won’t finish the books. I’ve a good mind to send Mi6 over to attach some electrodes to his gonads. If only he looked at his typewriter the same way he looks at donuts, the fat bastard.”

Considering Martin has a number of shiny objects to distract him at present – a prequel of the TV show that most fans were mad at being the main one – it appears GOT fans are simply shit out of luck and have to wait for an out-of-shape elderly man with a sedentary lifestyle to live long enough to finish two more books.

“I bet he dies first eating a bucket of KFC. This does suck donkeys balls,” huffed Queen Elizabeth II.

Well said Your Majesty, well said.

Published by Brian Rowe

Brian lives in Queensland with his wife and [insert Councilly approved number of] cats and dogs. He has been described as handsome, charming, intelligent... and his mum also said, “He’s a very good boy.”

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