Crockery sets must match says scientists and wife who is about to punch you.


A new study out of Australia’s centre for higher order thinking, DrunkenSober Community College, has found that there is a scientific reason why your plates and cups need to match. It’s not a cerebral reason, nor is it due to the optics involved, rather it dates back to our most primal prehistoric impulses – an aversion to pain.

Associate Professor Maffew Sheargold (pictured) has just finished an entirely worthwhile 12-month government funded study which found that the reason why crockery sets have to match comes down to ones base desire not to be punched by ones missus.

“Me study found that blokes don’t give a toss what they eat off of, or if it matches. However, once you throw a wife into the mix and try and pull that shit – you’re getting a punch in the arm straight up,” said A.P. Maffew.

The study involved 30 couples being sent to K Mart with the males given clear instructions to try and buy mismatching plates and cups. In all 30 cases, every single male was punched in the arm, with one bloke also coping a slap across the back of the head for good measure.

“Blokes got hit every single time. We also found that the more horrendous the mismatch, the harder the blokes got punched,” said A.P. Maffew.

So if you wish to avoid pain, make sure your crockery sets match fellas, because science says so.

Published by Brian Rowe

Brian lives in Queensland with his wife and [insert Councilly approved number of] cats and dogs. Has been described as handsome, charming, intelligent... and his mum also said, “He’s a very good boy.”

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