Environmentalists are said to be up in arms this week about a scheduling conflict caused by three of the biggest names in their religious doomsday cult totally legitimate organization that isn’t front for communism in any way, shape or form.
“It all started when Alexandra Oscario-Cortez said that we only have 12 years left to save the planet, so naturally the entire movement set their laptop and phone calendars to that date because a former bartender is without question a person who would know these sorts of things,” said Greenpeace spokesperson, Neva Hadajob (47).
“Things then got slightly confusing when Greta Thunberg – hallowed be her name – said we only have eight years left before the end. I mean, a high school dropout with no formal degree in climatology couldn’t possibly be wrong about environmental science so we all had to change the date. I mean, can somebody please just pick an end of world date and stick to it?”
Visibly confused, Neva took a deep breath before continuing to relay his tale of calendar chaos.
“But, in the same week Michael Moore came out and said we only have four years left to save the planet. He’s a comedian and an entertainer and who knows more about complex weather patterns than someone like him? I just thought the science on this was settled though?”
After voicing his doubts out loud, Neva was soon flanked warmly embraced by concerned fellow true believers and whisked into a brainwashing room designated happy space to be reassured that the end is coming, the dates are all correct until they’re not, and only more government can save us from all the mistakes governments have made thus far.