Bullshit poker mate starts every game asking what the rules are again.

Every group of blokes has that one mate who’s good at poker but pretends not to know the rules, and Ron Orchid (47) is that bloke. At a weekly Sunday night poker game, Ron begins the night asking the same question – ‘Oh, how do we play this game again?’ As sure as the dealer hands out the cards, and that Ron will win more hands than he loses, he never misses an opportunity to rub it in.

“Oh wait. So my cards add to up like a run sort of thing do they?” asked Ron.

“It’s called a straight, Ron, as you well bloody know,” says his fellow poker players.

“And this games called ‘Po-ker?, correct?” asks Ron innocently.

“Yes, Ron,” sighs his fellow players.

Despite having done this joke over a hundred times, it never seems to get old to a ‘Ron’. As he pounds beer after beer, and his winnings accumulate, it appears that his knowledge of the game goes down as his alcohol consumption goes up – yet he keeps on winning pots.

“I can’t believe my luck,” slurs Ron by the end of the game, as he collects his winnings.

So as a warning to all friendly poker games out there, there’s only one known way to stop a ‘Ron’ – wait until his 12th beer; only then does his luck run out. Until that moment, keep playing tight and ignore all cries of ignorance.

Published by Brian Rowe

Brian lives in Queensland with his wife and [insert Councilly approved number of] cats and dogs. He has been described as handsome, charming, intelligent... and his mum also said, “He’s a very good boy.”

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