Still no word on how Tiger Wood’s (drugs) crashed his motor vehicle (drugs) before being found unconscious (it was totally drugs).

Great news for golfer Tiger Woods this week as he was released from hospital to continue his rehab at his home in Florida. For those not in the know, Tiger has extensive leg injuries from rolling his SUV last month. And what caused him to lose control of his vehicle and end up inverted? Well that’s the thing – investigators still haven’t revealed the cause of a crash that would normally be solved after the results from the first returned drug test.

“After almost a month of investigations we are still no closer to the cause of this accident, but it was definitely NOT drugs,” said newly promoted Police Commissioner of Southern California, Cash Meup (49).

Speaking from a new six-bedroom house the Commissioner just bought, he was adamant they can confidently rule out any foul play.

“Our leading theory at present is that Tiger, as sober as a judge, may have been visited by aliens. Or a ghost – there is more than one working theory. Driving along – sober, like I said before – this alien or ghost suddenly appeared in his backseat and caused him to cross two lanes and end upside down,” speculated Cash.

Taking questions from the press, Cash was asked if anyone else might be able to rely on the ‘It was aliens – or a ghost – defence’ in the near future. Reporters are still waiting for him to stop laughing to answer the question.

Until then, the one thing we know for sure is that it was definitely NOT drugs.

Published by Brian Rowe

Brian lives in Queensland with his wife and [insert Councilly approved number of] cats and dogs. He has been described as handsome, charming, intelligent... and his mum also said, “He’s a very good boy.”

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