Matthew McConaughey considering run for Texas governor, worried about having to go more than three days wearing a shirt.

While the United States continues to display anything closely resembling unity, there is one person who may be able to bring the fractured states together. It’s not a politician, it’s not a business leader, and it’s not Oprah – it’s actor Matthew McConaughey (51). Luckily for America, McConaughey is considering running for the governor of Texas although one thing is standing in his way: having to wear a shirt each day.

“It’s just such a big commitment to cover up my abs,” fretted McConaughey (51). “I’ve worked so hard on them and the ladies love ‘em. I wanted my abs to be my campaign poster – just a picture of my six pack with the slogan ‘Alright, alright, alright.’ It’s a winner but turns out there’s all these rules and guidelines that state I have to be fully dressed.”

Researching further, McConaughey was distressed to also read that he wouldn’t be able to turn up to the debates topless either.

“It’s dirty politics, man. They’re trying to stop me,” sighed the actor, needing a few bourbons and a spliff to calm himself down.

As of today, the McConaughey governor bid team is filling a motion to allow him to do all media, debates and political campaigning without a shirt.

We wish him well.

Published by Brian Rowe

Brian lives in Queensland with his wife and [insert Councilly approved number of] cats and dogs. He has been described as handsome, charming, intelligent... and his mum also said, “He’s a very good boy.”

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